The Five Stages Of Grief
by rosiearthur18
Summary: After Arthur loses Merlin, he goes through the five stages of grief. No Slash. Major character death. Set mid way through series 5.
1. Denial

**The Five Stages Of Grief**

**A/N: Hello Readers. I've been absent from writing for a while because of these time consuming AS levels and I am going to continue with 'I miss you' but I had to write this story. Basically yesterday I was sitting in my English Lit class and we were discussing Anne Bronte's last poem that she wrote when she was dying and how she goes through the five stages of grief (kind of) and me being me thought 'ooh what would Arthur's grief be like if Merlin died?' so I came up with this. There will be five chapters, one for each stage of grief and yeah… hope you enjoy it! P.S Thank you so much to the reviewers on 'I miss you' You made me squeal with happiness!**

**Denial**

Arthur paced up and down the corridor outside the physician's chambers. His hands were clasped behind his back to stop them shaking. His idiot manservant had decided to be a hero again and had pushed him out of the way when a bandit sent an arrow towards Arthur. The arrow had embedded itself in Merlin's stomach and Arthur and the knights had rushed him back to Gaius. Now Arthur was waiting for news on his friend…

The door to the chambers opened and Arthur whipped round to see Gaius standing in the entrance. 'How is he?' Arthur asked.

Gaius sighed, 'He's awake Sire' he told Arthur 'You can see him, but I must warn you he's very weak. He's still in a serious condition.' Arthur nodded, 'Thank you Gaius' he replied and quickly walked into the room and up the stairs before flinging open the door to Merlin's room. His heart sank as he saw Merlin huddled under the covers, his face was pale and he looked very small. 'Merlin' Arthur said softly, Merlin turned his head and smiled.

'Glad to see you're ok' he replied weakly. Arthur scowled and crossed the room to sit in the chair beside Merlin's bed. 'Oh I'm fine' he hissed 'but you're not. Why do you have to be such a clot pole Merlin? Do you think I enjoy the fact that you continue to risk your life for me.' He let out a sigh as he finished and tried to stop himself trembling. Merlin shifted and winced before reaching out and taking Arthur's hand. He squeezed it before flopping back against the pillows. 'You know I'd do it again Arthur' he said,' you're destined to be the greatest King and you're well on the way to achieving it, even if you are a prat.' He smiled before becoming serious again. 'When I die you'll remember me, won't you?' Arthur frowned, 'Of course but you're not going to die Merlin, you're going to be fine. You'll be back to polishing my armour by next week!'

Merlin shook his head 'I don't think I am this time Arthur, I'm so tired I don't have the strength. It's like the life's draining out of me.' Merlin had to stop to regain his breath. Arthur leaned forward and placed his hands on the bed. 'You will be fine Merlin. You won't die, I forbid it.'

Merlin chuckled weakly 'Be careful Sire, you almost sound as if you care!' His smile slipped though when he saw how serious Arthur was. 'I do care' Arthur said, swallowing the lump in his throat 'I know I never say it but you're my best friend Merlin and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. You may be a complete idiot most of the time, but I've got to quite like you Merlin and you do give good advice. Quite a lot of the time actually.' Merlin beamed at him, his eyes sparkling with tears. 'Thank you Arthur' he whispered. 'No Merlin, thank you. Thank you for saving my life.' Arthur said. He leaned forward and gently embraced Merlin being careful to avoid the stomach wound. 'Now get some rest.' He said as he pulled back and prepared to stand up. 'Can you stay with me?' Merlin asked. Arthur nodded and sat there until Merlin fell asleep. _He's going to be fine _Arthur thought and smiled as he closed his eyes.

Arthur woke to a raspy rattling breath that was coming from Merlin. Arthur stiffened; he'd heard that noise from too many men in battles. It was the death rattle. Feeling panicked Arthur shook Merlin's shoulder. 'Merlin, wake up!' He pleaded. Merlin stayed unconscious. 'GAIUS' Arthur yelled as Merlin took one more rattling breath.

Gaius burst into the room and went straight to Merlin's side. It was then that Arthur realised that he couldn't hear Merlin's breathing anymore. 'Gaius?' He whispered. Gaius leaned forward and checked for Merlin's pulse. After an agonizingly long minute he straightened up and turned towards Arthur shaking his head with tears in his eyes. Arthur stumbled backwards, his heart beating fast. 'No' he whispered. 'I'm sorry Sire' Gaius said, tears running down his cheeks. 'I think he was bleeding on the inside, there was nothing I could have done.' Arthur walked back to Merlin's side. 'He's fine' he said, his voice trembling. 'He can't be dead! I told him that he would be fine.' He pressed his forehead against Merlin's and took a deep breath before leaving the room.

_What am I going to do?_


	2. Anger

**The Five Stages Of Grief**

**A/N: Wow wow wow! I can't believe the follows/favourites/reviews on this fanfic! Eeek I love you guys loads! To my lovely reviewers **_**The Miss America and Rotashark, **_**I love Merlin and Arthur but for my story to work one of them had to die and I felt that I could write Merlin's death better than Arthur's **

**I am so sorry that this has taken a week to get up but I've been swamped by revision/mocks/hip-hop… I don't feel that this chapter is up to my usual standards either but I hope you enjoy it! Oh and I love love love reviews so if you love it or hate it or have any ideas please review!**

**Anger**

Arthur watched as the flames of the funeral pyre climbed higher into the air. Guinevere clutched his hand tightly and he could hear her sobs over the whispers of his people as they left the courtyard. Arthur turned his head to watch as Gwaine walked in the direction of the tavern, head bent, feet dragging. Arthur remembered when Gwaine had found out about Merlin's death. He'd sworn and punched the wall before falling to the ground with his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking as he was overcome by grief…

Arthur was snapped out of his thoughts by Guinevere's voice. 'Arthur' she said her voice thick with tears 'come inside. You need to rest.' Arthur let his wife put her arm round him and lead him away.

That night, Arthur lay in bed listening to the sound of Gwen's breathing. He hadn't been to sleep since Merlin died. Memories flashed through his head and his thoughts kept him awake. _'I'm happy to be your servant till the day I die'_ well Merlin had certainly kept that promise. Arthur pushed back the covers and walked out of his chambers towards Gaius's chambers. He was exhausted and hoped that Gaius would be able to provide him with a sleeping draught. Arthur felt a pang of guilt about intruding on the old man when he would be grieving too but maybe they both needed some company.

Arthur knocked lightly on the door, and on hearing Gaius's voice, pushed it open. Gaius was sitting at the table and Arthur was shocked to see that the man looked as if he had aged 20 years. 'Sire' he said, 'I wasn't expecting you so late.' Arthur sighed, 'I apologise Gaius, I've been having trouble sleeping since… well you know.' Gaius nodded sadly. 'I'd be happy to make you a draught Sire' he replied, 'however, I wanted to talk to you about something. Something Merlin would want you to know.' Arthur was confused 'Ok' he said 'what is it?' Gaius gestured to the chair opposite him. 'Please, sit' Arthur sat down and watched Gaius as the old man rubbed his forehead. 'Arthur, before I say anything I want you to know that everything Merlin did was for you and only you.' Arthur nodded slowly, 'I know. He's my best friend.' Gaius reached forward and covered Arthur's hand with his own. 'Merlin had magic. It was his destiny to protect you.' Arthur felt like the world had slowed down around him. _Merlin had magic._ 'That… that's not possible' he stammered. Gaius's eyes had filled with tears. 'He was born with it Arthur, don't be angry. He would have done anything to protect you.' Arthur sprang up from his chair blinking back tears of anger. 'Of course I'm angry!' He shouted 'In fact, I'm furious! Why did he never tell me? I trusted him with my life! Didn't he trust me? I would never have hurt him.' He broke off panting with his fists clenched. 'Gaius stood up slowly from the table 'He was scared Sire, at first he couldn't tell you because he was scared of what your father may do…'

Arthur interrupted him 'I AM NOT MY FATHER' he yelled, 'I can't count the number of times that Merlin himself has told me that. Yet he was too scared of _me_ to tell me his biggest secret. I would have forgiven him but now I can't. He's gone!' Arthur turned and punched the wall, wincing as his knuckles split. 'Sire!' Gaius cried, he hurried over and gently steered the King back to the table. Arthur slumped down in his seat as Gaius tended to his hand. 'I'm sorry Gaius. It's just… he's gone and I can't ask him to tell me everything. I can't thank him for everything he's done. I just want to blame someone for his death. I want to blame him for protecting him, for throwing himself in the path of that arrow. I want to blame the Knights for not stopping him. Mostly I want to blame myself, for not being fully aware of the situation, for letting him go out _every time_ without any armour to protect him.' Arthur buried his head in his hands and Gaius placed a hand on his shoulder. 'You can't blame yourself' he said softly. 'Merlin wouldn't want that. Arthur lifted his head to look at Gaius.

'There must be a way for me to speak to him one more time Gaius. I'll do anything.'


End file.
